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'Tis the season that will panic even the coolest cucumbers
‘Tis the season to be completely stressed and inundated with demands and expectations that are near impossible to meet.
Merry Christmas everyone!
From forgotten Christmas cards to lack of food dramas, take these as reminders to begin your prep early and beat the Christmas stress (or, more likely, do nothing about them until December 20th!)…
Forgetting friends on your Christmas card list
A card arrives from that long lost relative you left off your card list. Option 1 – you ignore it and pretend you never received it. Option 2 – you quickly scribble out a note on one of last year’s left over cards and send it pronto, only to blame the Royal Mail and their slow Christmas service.
Have I got enough food?
The list of members intending to ‘pop over’ is getting longer and it means there must be food and drink available from 10am.
You gingerly begin thinking about the Gingerbread house
A merry idea at the start of every Christmas season but when it comes to it, it’s a culinary nightmare. You’ll need seven tubs of butter, nine pots of ground ginger and a bucket load of brown sugar – all for a display that will eventually grow stale. A sliding roof, drunken gingerbread men and walls propped up by skewers will prevail but don’t worry, you gave it your best shot.
run out of wrap
You have yet again massively underestimated the size of boxes and run out of wrapping paper, ribbon and gift tags. Thankfully you aren’t a buyer by profession. So, just like all previous years, you will have to re-use last year’s paper, run out for some emergency supplies and chop up old Christmas cards to create make shift tags.
Troublesome tree lights
Even John Lewis has put a man on the moon now, but we still can’t solve the obstacle that is the broken bulb. When just one of these tiny corns is damaged, smashed or wound up too tightly, the entire tree falls into bleak darkness. You will subsequently storm to your local garden centre last minute and buy a new set, only for it to join the rest of the broken sets next year.
Cupboards are already slowly filling with festive biscuits but wait until the week before Christmas when you’ll have veg spilling from cool boxes and hamper baskets, your garage becomes the local winery and even the oven is employed as a storing spot for the big bird.
The present fiasco
For men, this fear is usually only lit the night before Christmas, but for women the panic will begin at the start of December. Drawing up your shopping list and collecting everyone’s letters to Santa, you quickly realise you have no time to get everything. Cue buying Uncle Bob the same gift every year and don’t even get me starting on fancy shmancy Grandma Julie who has everything.
Weather warnings have already begun gusting in and the reporter promises more snow than the past 37 years. Trains will stop running at the drop of a leaf, roads will be sprinkled with a light seasoning of salt that just won’t help and planes will be grounded. We have never been envious of an Australian Christmas until now.
How much alcohol?
What is everyone’s tipple? What wine will people prefer with the meat? Baileys or Scotch with desert? So many questions, so many fears but at the end of the day, no one is complaining what liquid gold you serve, as long as it’s there in abundance.
Who would have thought that such tiny balls of fluff could make it to onto the top 10 panics at Christmas? By day, adorable, pink nosed, squeaky kittens but by night, ninjas who will scale trees, bring down villages of baubles and subsequently chase them across the floor until they are all completely shattered and annihilated.