If you've never been to an Ikea then you're missing out. If you have been you'll be familiar with all the bizarrely named furniture (we're not 100% sure what a EKENÄSET is but we know we want one) and all the fun that comes with a five hour trip/ trek around the store...
To bag, pencil and tape measure or not?
Do you need to pick those up now, at the door, or should you wait? Because you waited last time and then really needed one but then there was that time that you just ended up finding teeny tiny pencils in your bag like a month after your last trip.
Ooh, that's nice. Now I'm thinking about it we could really use some new bed linen/a sofa/a spanking new kitchen
Ikea, AKA The Shop of Dreams, is impossible to walk around without constantly redesigning your home in your head. You are not alone.
I have way more space at home than these tiny room sets so why does my house not function half as smoothly?
Because the creative people at Ikea are geniuses who can turn a space the size of your garage into a fully functioning kitchen-cum-living room-cum-home office-cum-bedroom. We can dream.
Why are those people not following the arrows?
They're there for a reason people! And the reason everyone else is looking really affronted as you charge past them with your big blue bag full of towels and wooden spoons is because you, sir, are going against the natural flow.
Can I re-enact that scene from 500 Days of Summer without being thrown out?
Always. Play with the taps, cook a fake dinner and try and watch the telly to your heart's content. Just don't try on the clothes. They don't like that.
Medium or large meatballs and chips?
You're probably not quite hungry enough for large but last time you got food envy when you finished before everyone else did. Maybe just go for medium and get a hotdog AND an ice-cream on the way out... And a multipack of Daim bars, obviously.
You could totally live in an Ikea, right?
It literally has everything you need to survive. Beds, kitchens, awesome Swedish food. And we bet someone who works there could make those showers work - they're all dead handy.
Do I really need more candles/ tea towels/ storage boxes?
Yes, yes you do. Because you can never have enough candles or tea towels and you're going to need a box to put all that stuff in. Go nuts my friend.
Please, please let there be a BILLY bookcase left in the warehouse
You spent so long wondering around the store, sitting on everything you could possibly sit on and umm-ing and ahh-ing about those meatballs that there's a high chance those in-demand items will have been snatched up by now.
Related: Don't miss our fantastic Ikea hacks that anyone, yes even you, can do
There better be something good in the Bargain Basement
You hit the jackpot once - the exact thing you were looking for 1/3 of the price and the dent was in a place no one would ever see. Now you fully expect this miracle to occur upon every visit.
I spent how much?!
Yep, turns out all that kitchen paraphernalia you never knew you needed (but definitely need), a year's supply of candles, pot plants, new duvet set, bedside cabinet, giant snake toy and five new lamps adds up.
Is this actually going to fit in the car?
If you're asking this then probably not. Chances are you're mentally playing Tetris with Ikea purchases and the boot of your car at this point. Or figuring out which member of the family can get the bus home.
Sound familiar? We're already planning our next trip. Those candles aren't going to buy themselves.
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Jennifer is the Deputy Editor (Digital) for Homes & Gardens online. Prior to her current position, she completed various short courses a KLC Design School, and wrote across sister brands Ideal Home, LivingEtc, 25 Beautiful Homes, Country Homes & Interiors, and Style at Home.
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