13 alternative Christmas cracker jokes for interiors lovers

We apologise in advance...

HAPPY CHRISTMAS! We're hope you're having a wonderful day so far. Fingers crossed the turkey isn't too dry, your roasties are crispy – not burnt – and your gifts were gratefully received.

Related: The 10 things Christmas hosts are most likely to forget

By our calculations, you should be pulling your Christmas crackers soon – if not right now. In our experience, the jokes inside can sometimes be a bit of a letdown, which inspired us to create one last gift for you – a list of Christmas cracker jokes for interiors lovers.

We hope they'll give you an extra giggle or two today.

designed paper rolls tread and lesses

(Image credit: Future PLC/ David Giles)

Q. What do you call a moustachioed American detective working in a kitchen showroom?
A. Magnet P.I.

Q. What's blue and smells like yellow paint?
A. Blue paint.

Q. Have you heard that Macaulay Culkin is remaking two of his most famous films in a candle shop?
A. We can't wait to see Jo Malone and Jo Malone 2.

christmas decoration with plants and designed candles

(Image credit: Future PLC/ Mark Scott)

Q. What's the best way to shop in a German supermarket?
A. Lidl and often.

Q. What did Pinocchio's mum do when she got too big for his school uniform?
A. She had to Sand-Er-Son.

Q. What's a double-glazing salesperson's favourite operating system?
A. Windows.

Q. And what's their favourite band?
A. The Doors.

living room with christmas tree and green sofa

(Image credit: Future PLC/ Simon Whitmore)

Q. While we're on the subject, why does a former First Lady have trouble seeing out of her windows?
A. Hillary's Blind(s).

Q. What do you call a man lying on your doorstep?
A. Matt.

Q. If you're cold, why should you stand in the corner of a room?
A. Because it's always around 90 degrees.

living room with red brick and white wall swing and wooden flooring

(Image credit: Future PLC/ Katie Lee)

Q. I sold my Dyson vacuum cleaner the other day.
A. Why? It was just gathering dust.

Q. What do you do when your old sofa isn't looking too good?
A. Hope that it re-covers

Q. What do you call a cat that's really good at building Ikea furniture?
A. An assembly kit

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Hopefully, at least a few of these have put a smile on your face this Christmas.

Amy Cutmore

Amy Cutmore is an experienced interiors editor and writer, who has worked on titles including Ideal Home, Homes & Gardens, LivingEtc, Real Homes, GardeningEtc, Top Ten Reviews and Country Life. And she's a winner of the PPA's Digital Content Leader of the Year. A homes journalist for two decades, she has a strong background in technology and appliances, and has a small portfolio of rental properties, so can offer advice to renters and rentees, alike.