How to refresh your home when the kids have moved out – empty-nester tidying tips that keep the memories (but not the clutter) alive

The empty nester phase is often the most bittersweet. You’re excited for your children, but at the same time, your empty house is a little too loud. And while it can be tempting to hoard their belongings and turn their bedroom into a museum, refreshing your home can be one of the best ways to celebrate this new era - for all of you.

In fact, the best decluttering methods can help you tidy up a space that's been dominated by your children’s toys, backpacks, artwork, clothes, and clutter for decades, and let you embrace a grown-up home that celebrates a new era of your own life. However, you need to be careful, as many decluttering methods don’t account for the emotional upheaval surrounding this big life change.

As a recent empty-nester herself, Gemma Bray (AKA The Organised Mum) explains, ‘My first piece of advice is to remember this isn't a normal declutter. You're dealing with a young adult's belongings, in a bedroom that holds an enormous amount of emotion for you, and it's poignant because it marks a huge milestone in both your life and theirs.’ So, this is how to tackle clutter… gently.

1. Always get permission (and take your time!)

Whether they’ve moved to university or are moving to their own place, kids leaving home can be an emotional change, and Gemma warns you not to make any rash decisions. She says, ‘Parents tend to react in one of two ways. They either shut the door and avoid going in because they're too upset, or they go in and clean immediately. Both are extremes, and I'd avoid them.’

Instead, take your time and work at a pace that prevents decluttering overwhelm and helps you keep your emotions in check. And while it may be your house where you pay the bills, it’s important to recognise that your children’s belongings are still theirs. So, always get permission to declutter beforehand.

And if you need some reassurance, Gemma says, ‘Decluttering isn't about erasing the past; it's about making space for the next phase of family life. It's just part of the process. We're not trying to get rid of them altogether. It's about putting systems in place so the room stays practical and renewable.’

2. Remove genuine rubbish first

If you know you’re going to struggle getting rid of emotional clutter, the easiest place to start is by removing genuine rubbish from the areas that your children liked to frequent - whether that’s their bedrooms or the rubbish that they’ve left strewn in bathrooms and other family areas.

Gemma also suggests throwing away anything that you’re confident your child will never use again - and hasn’t used in many years. This includes anything broken or damaged beyond repair, using your common sense and knowledge of your kids to realise that holding onto it will be a (quite literal) waste of space.

Then you can move on to the more sentimental items. Shannon Murphy, Professional Organiser and Founder of Simpl Living Co, says, ‘Work through the room systematically, sending photos of groups of belongings and asking them to identify what they want to keep, what they no longer want and whether there is anything they would like you to donate or sell.’

3. Keep a box of ‘don’t knows’ to the side

It’s best not to make assumptions when decluttering as an empty-nester, especially if your kids have only temporarily moved away or are storing items at your house until they have space to keep them at their own. In that case, a ‘don’t know’ box could work wonders.

Gemma says, ‘A good tip is to create a box for anything you're unsure about, or that could hold sentimental value to them, so they can go through it themselves next time they're home. If they need a bit of encouragement, give them a deadline - otherwise, that box will still be sitting there when they're in their forties.’

This will help you declutter without guilt and refresh your home without getting on your kids' bad side. And if you find that you’re putting everything in the ‘didn’t know’ box, it’s a sure sign that you’re not quite ready to declutter just yet. So, give yourself some more time before tackling the task again.

4. Give them ultimatums

Of course, you don’t have to declutter your kids’ belongings at all - especially if you don’t feel comfortable doing so. But you do need to set boundaries in your own home if they have moved out for good, as you don’t want your house to become their dedicated storage unit.

This is echoed by Kate Dufton, Professional Organiser and Declutterer at Ace Your Space, who says, ‘I work with many clients who are still storing their adult children’s belongings years after they have left home. You have to set clear boundaries around how much you can store. Give them a deadline to decide what they want to keep, agree on what you’re storing and when they need to collect everything else.’

If you have a small home and are struggling to stay organised, consider space-saving storage options to house these belongings in the meantime. You can use stacking boxes, vacuum bags for clothes, or even under-bed storage so you can still clear out the room if needed.

5. Have a goal for the room

Sending your kids off to pastures new means you can enter a new era of your life, where you can explore hobbies, focus on your health and fitness, or finally relax after years of parenting. And if you want to turn your kids’ old room into something more practical, you need to have a goal in mind and a plan in place.

Kate advises, ‘Decide what you want any unused rooms to do for you now. It might simply be to empty it and keep it ready for a future downsize, or you may want to turn it into a hobby room, office, or gym. Having a purpose gives you something positive to work towards when decluttering feels difficult.’

She adds, ‘If there’s a chance your children may come back home, especially if they’ve gone to university or are living overseas, consider how you can make the room flexible enough to serve multiple purposes. A room can still be welcoming when they visit while also working as an office or exercise room.’

Empty nester decluttering essentials

Decluttering as empty nesters doesn't mean you're forgetting your family. It just means you're ready for the next chapter!