12 signs there’s a toddler in your house

Have you got a little one running about at home? We were prepared for the bath time tantrums and the mountain of toys but there is so much more that comes with having a toddler in the house…

1. Everything that once was glass or ceramic is now plastic

Plastic cups, plates, bowls, spoons. If it can’t survive three-foot drop from the highchair it doesn’t make the cut.

2. Teeny tiny fingerprints. Everywhere

This doesn’t need much of an explanation. But baby wipes for sticky fingers are your new best friend. And who cares if the windows are a little smudgy.

3. You’re foiled by your own ‘security’ systems

Seriously, who invented those cupboard clip things anyway? And how can you forget they’re there EVERY TIME? *Rebounds off cupboard door*.

4. You used to read books, now everything just rhymes

Your personal collection of books is now stuffed at the back of the bookcase. Now if it doesn’t rhyme and have characters with names that sound like someone drunk invented them, it doesn’t feature in your day-to-day.

5. Everything vaguely valuable now lives at a height

Remember that time your nice things were in reaching distance? Then Mr “I-want-to-touch-everything” came along and now they live in cupboards. High, high cupboards.

6. Keeping things tidy is a million times harder

Once upon a time you left the house and came home and it looked the same. Ahhh… Those were the days.

7. Your home no longer has corners

Turns out most things have corners and they are ALL at the exact height of your little one’s head. These have mostly been removed and now it’s second instinct to cover any remaining sharp edges with your hands as they run past.

8. There are things in other things that shouldn’t be there

Toys in the washing machine. Books in the bin. Lego in the fridge.
There is no rhyme or reason for any of this, but the list goes on.

9. You have ninja-like reflexes

Hot things, sharp things, falling things. You’re an absolute pro at preventing an accident with your catching skills.

10. There is food in places it just shouldn’t be

Crisps down the car seat, sweet corn in the sofa, baked beans between your toes… The list goes on.

11. Neutral tones have been replaced with primary colours

Your once beautiful, calming living room is now an ode to the Early Learning Centre…

12. You haven’t seen the cat in two months

You had a cat, once. But after that tail pulling incident (number 84724) Moggy now seems to have found a new family.

But… You wouldn’t change a thing. Except perhaps that baked bean toe incident. That was just gross.